QUESTION: My 15 yr old son has add, he's been bored out of his mind in yeshiva. No yeshiva wants him. I have no patience to learn with him. My wife gives him whatever he wants. We are lost. Please advise.

ANSWER:

 To parents of 15 yr old – This is the story of ADHD in teens since we can’t rewind, let’s ask “well what could we do now?” Think for a moment how he may feel going through this, and not able to understand himself. On top of that how does he feel when he’s given these messages all the time that nobody understands him? Pretty lonely, and not so good. Would you agree to that? In order for a 15 y/o to succeed in life in general and a yeshiva in particular. What he probably needs now is not to learn with his father, but maybe to connect a bit with his father. Take a day off from whatever you may be doing and invest that time in your son. Go off mountain climbing or fishing whatever. Just you and him have some friendly talks, make it fun and memorable. Ask him questions, get him involved with sharing with you what he’d like to do. What he’d like to learn. Friendly that’s the key. No telling what he should do or what you want from him. Usually these kids have lots of feelings and great desires of accomplishment but no one takes the time to simply hear them, to acknowledge them. It’s a big cause for deep inner frustration. Give him the time, he just may surprise you.

And at the same time be setting for himself new standards to live up to.

If you’d like be in touch with me or find a good ADHD coach who works with both teens and parents it could make a tremendous difference in your lives.